Mattes Musings 2.0

Welcome to the slightly new and very improved Mattes Musings!! I was reading previous entries of the blog and figured I needed a different look, a different feel. This blog started out as Mattes's  Madness, a title with a double meaning, although I am seldom post when I'm angry I have used this blog to vent anger, maybe I should use it more in this capacity. However this blog became a test tube of ideas for poems or even articles.  After first I wrote frequent, short entries about observations I had about my life mixed  in with comments on current news events. Some of the entries I wrote just when I felt like I had not other outlet. While I realize nothing on the Internet is private,  I also didn't actively advertise this blog at the time.

The original address of this blog was jaymatt1978.blogspot.com because "jaymatt1978" was attached to all my e-mails and IM screen names. Actually I created "jaymatt1978" at Cittone Institute the instructor wanted us to use Yahoo instant messenger and I needed a new screen name, it stuck with  me. My family always calls my "Jay" and my dad and his best friend share the same first name "Peter"they refer to each other by their last names "Mattes" and "Brennan". I was born in March of 1978, so I put all three of them together.  When I fought to get Bergenscanner.com back I quickly registered Justinmattes.com just " so because I was so paranoid about  losing another  domain. Hindsight being 20/20 I don't think my name is a high commodity. Anyway I redirected it to this blog as a temporary place holder.  My license plate website was still on a free hosting website called Tripod and I hastily threw some poetry on the now  defunct Geo cities. When I moved both sites  together to the same sever, I decided it was time to move Justinmattes.com to the main website, have my license plate website be justinmattess.com/plates and obviously my  poetry website be justinmattes.com/poetry.

After doing some exploring on Blogger, I found out you can change the URLs of these blogs without redoing the entire blog. Some I changed the URL of this blog to its current address http://justinmattes.blogspt.com. This is the final change of the actual domain itself. I actually started another blog "The Prequel to Mattes's Madness" but deleted it after one entry. I might actually add another page to this   site. Stay tuned for details!!!!


Twenty Years Ago Tonight

It took me all day and a lot of distractions before I sat down at the k,eyboard. Kind of like what happened 20 years ago tonight,  the night journal was born.   First a few ground rules, I will only use her initials, even though people know her. I was going to include the original entry, I'm still debating this while I type. This is kind of a double anniversary, it's the night I went out on a dinner date, that wasn't the Junior Prom and it's the night I started writing again after about a two year break. To put March 14,1997 into context easily understood, it was what I called "Senior Year Number 1" because I went to Pascack Valley High School for five years.  SG  entered  into my life two years earlier at the start of my sophmore year (her junior year) in high school, we had an art class together it  took a few weeks but a few things became clear. First was a year ahead of me, art classes had people from different grade levels together.

 We struck up a friendship and eventually went on a date, well sort of, at the Paramus Park Mall,. SG and I hung out a few times and even though she was a grade ahead of me, I asked her to my junior prom. We had a lot of fun and I didn't think I could ever feel they way I did thaqt night ever again. It occured to me she'd be graduating in a few weeks, so I needed to do something special, So I started writing a letter. I had written letters before it was the right thing to do, I was sad I wouldn't see her as much. So I took her out  and presented her what later became referred to as an "J.M. Original. She cried when she finished reading it.  That was the first time I ever saw her cry.

I only saw her one time after that, but I wrote her while she was away at college. That was our connection. She didn't have time to write me back, it didn't matter, s he saved ever letter I wrote her. I saw her once right before Christmas she surpised me, I asked her to my senior prom, she accepted. SG  promised we would go out to dinner the night before my birthday because she was busy  on my actual birthday. I didn't really care because the times spent with her were rare so they were always special. Up to this point we went to the Paramus Park Mall, danced at my junior prom and had all kinds of fun in between. We had a lovely dinner afterwards she needed cigarettes so I directed her to Fusco's Market. I got home to find my dad asleep on the couch. I climbed upstairs and turned on the computer, just started typing..............and never stopped....The night before my 19th birthday......twenty years ago tonight!


Heartland Binge

I realize writing about a TV show is one step away from going days with out changing out of my pajamas and owning five cats, I hate cats but I'd have puppies that never leave my side.C'all it a part of the winter blues down in Cape May, which is a small price to pay for the wonderful summers down here. Writer's block seems to have kicked into full swing, that and the demise of my one laptop, yes  I'm still on mom's Toshiba.  One night mom and I were surfing Netflix  and came across a Canadian TV show called Heartland about  the Fleming family who owns a horse ranch in Alberta, Canada.

The show stars  Amber Marshall who plays Amy Fleming who does am,azing things with injured and mistreated horses. This is a trait inherited from her deceased mother Marion, She lives on the ranch with her grandfather Jack, the patriarch of Heartland, her sister Lou, the business woman who later transforms cabins on the ranch into a semi- dude ranch getaway retreat.  The show begins by portraying life on an Canadian ranch Two episodes into the first seasons we're introduced to Ty, on a prison-work program who in the beginning can't even ride a horse but in time shares Amy's love of horses and eventually is hired as a vet assistant and later becomes a vet himself . Of course Amy and Ty develop a relationship and well I won't go into details there.  There are plenty of story lines to grab your attention where  Amy and Ty  rescue a troubled horse. Or Amy helps an injured veteran get back up on h is horse after an injury. In another episode Amy and Ty work with a horse training to join the RCMP mounted unit.   Of course there are kinds of sub-plots that explore members of the Fleming family. I don't need to detail for this post!

Watching the show every night reminded me of the time I tried horseback riding up  at Country Lee Farm up in Pomona, NY. I think my mom found it thro ugh one of my therapists back when I head therapy multiple times a week. I enjoyed riding, even tried a few different techniques if I could recall.  I was excited driving what back then seemed like a long ride. I even remember some of the other kids I met. The problem always was my neck control wasn't good back then so it was suggested I stop' Every time I see a horse, I think about  those times. That's why I can't get enough of Heartland it takes me back to one of the few times in my life  I wish I could repeat